So yeah, I am a woman, not my fault, don't blame me. But according to most folks I am an ASSHOLE! I KNOW, did you ever think a woman could be an asshole, instead of a cunt or bitch, well, welcome to my world.
It's not that I intend to be an asshole or even try to be one. Hell, I don't even like being an asshole but it is because of dumb ass pricks and stupid people that I am always forced to be an asshole.
So, what might qualify me to call myself an asshole. Hey, wait a minute, fuckers, I never called myself an asshole, I am just saying that other people think I am an asshole. So let's get that straight.
Here's a story for ya.....So our refrigerator quit last summer. Now mind you this is the first time EVER in my life I have ever had a new refrigerator. Had a 5 year warranty on it. Well, had it two fucking years and the thing quit! Yep, right in the middle of summer. So knowing what I know, when knowledge is power, I called them up to warranty it.
Sure as shit they told me it wasn't covered. Bullshit-----I am calling serious bullshit. I tell the guy that he had better bring me a new fridge because having to store our food in coolers and keep buying ice was not going to work. He said, he'd come fix it. Yeah right. He came out, he "tried" to fix it and of course, he couldn't. Told me there was nothing he could do.
I think he was also nervous from all the firearms laying around the house, because he acted like he wanted to leave as soon as he got there.. Maybe it was the "I killed my mother and liked it" sign hanging in the kitchen above the stove, or the "Will work for Ammo" cardboard sign I had on the fridge. Recollecting back, it could have been the fact that I showed up at the door wearing my gas mask and carrying a Glock. Who knows really but you can never be too safe. I mean, do we REALLY trust the repair man, who drives a van, and lives down by the river???
I proceeded to call the store up and cuss them out in my usual bad sailor language. The guy said if he could he would give me his fridge. Thinking I would be some soft hearted bitch, I surprised him when I said he better bring it to me ASAP. He then had to backpedal that he really couldn't do that. Then why the fuck did you say it????
He then told me that because I bought the cheapest fridge they made (I'm sorry, why would I pay more than $400 for a fridge that just holds food- who needs stainless, with ice and all the other bullshit that will surely quit within the time frame of the so-called "warranty period") that they didn't have another one to offer me since two years had passed and they (1) didn't make that model anymore and (2) the price had gone up.
The conversation went something like this: "You are going to bring me a new motherfucking refrigerator and I don't give a damn if it is not the same model or how much it costs. I have a FIVE fucking year warranty on this sonofabitch and you're going to tell me that they are only meant to last ONE year. What the fuck??????"
Now the husband knows I cuss all the time and he also knows that when I deal with fucktards the only way I can get my way, which by the way, is the right way, is for me to go full auto with my cussing and threaten them. Well, lo and behold it worked and we got a NEW fridge and they didn't charge us any extra for the "new model". As the guy was leaving I yelled in my best Southern language "Don't come back now ya hear".
Sometimes I am so funny I can't stand myself.
